My Lazy Blog

Sad

2011-11-22T15:22:00.003+08:00

dont know what to write but just.... sad! feeling like crying but i cannot cry coz if i cry means i am a totally useless bastard. am i really NO study = no future? no one can really tell you your future. but what you doing now is affecting your future. =(

2011-07-18T17:24:00.003+08:00

It happens again.

If i am stronger, i can control with most of the incident. then she will not be so tired.

If i am stronger, i can make him accompany her so that she no need to sleep alone at night.

If i am stronger, i can do everything i can for her.

If i am stronger, i can use my shoulder to holds everything so that she no need works so hard to maintains expenses anymore.

Every time talk to her,the feeling will just come to me, then i just can't do anything. keeps on thinking why m i so useless. but i'm just stop at thinking. never try to do anything. i just think of 'if' but never think of 'try', i no dare to try anything, is that because i am lazy or i really a coward who not dare to face lose. dont feel like to talk to anyone about this but wish to get someone to agree with me. my complicated feeling make me felt weak. when only i can start think of 'i can' but not 'if i can' ?

i believe i always positive thinking but....sometime feels that even positive thinking now also doesn't means in future will really can get what i wants. i remember got someone said to me 'you're a potential kid', i believe it that time, but now....the reality tells me that i might not as good as people said. days gets fast and slow, whenever heard her voice on phone, there is always got a hard feeling come out from my heart.

she said, i no need you to able to feed me, but at least you can able to feed yourself. she said, when u all come out to work, i will follow him to where he at, i can't say no because she want someone to care about her, to hug her into sleep every night, but no the life like now, sleep alone every night. what makes her continue now is us. but when we can feed ourselves. she will live with him.... so far away from me. if it is a vacation, i nvm. but if he dont want come back here anymore le...... then how about her? if i want see her only can see once in a month? a year? why is he like that......after go there for so long still never give us some support? what he doing there? why is she always find some nice and pretty excuse for him? why is he only earns to feeds himself? he no need responsible to us? he tot she is a powerful women isit? she also a lady who need cares. who need someone to hug her into sleep. i'm not him. he is the one who should do what his position should be. how can he like this. i'm not angry with him but very very disappointed about what he did. how can he is so irresponsible?

the night he leave, i cried....not because he is leaving. i think of her only, what come out in my mind is our life in future..... starts from that day, i got think of not continue study, as a men, should help in family....i start remove my lazy attitude, start contribute into works daily. never say tired to her. coz in my heart, she will always be more tired if i said i'm tired. eventhough i'm lazy sometime, dont want to works too much... but whenever she call me, i not dare to say no, coz i know if i dont do it, then who will help her? after that, she will just do it herself. she always want put everything on her shoulder. she not good in study but she try learn to read the income statement, she not good in study, she want all of us have higher education so that can survive in community, she not good in study, so she dont want us to stop study in secondary school.

before come to college, i got think of just stop like that and continue help her to works, many things come to my mind, never told her about this. after a while, thinking deeply. better get a diploma cert only starts working better. so i come to college. but days gets longer and harder. now i unable to graduate. what future i got? only can try my best works, works and works. i want get success. not want, is will! i would do anything to be a successful person. not illegal thing for sure.

nothing much else. sad. sad. sad. when a person alone, really will easy think into negative things. no one can help me with this. i must works harder and harder. starts now, i dont want to say 'if' anymore or say 'i will' anymore. only can say 'i can', 'i must' and i starts do it now'! dont want to wait anymore. =(

Wish I can

2010-11-23T14:42:00.002+08:00

Wish I can able to do as what I want now.
I feel myself so useless on that part.
Want to ask the one who able to help also hard to say it out.
What I can do?
People always wish they can be better...
But not everyone can able to get better as they wish...
what meant to be yours will be yours...
what not meant to be yours will not be yours...
you are never able to ask for more than what meant to be yours...
no need to be so rich on everything.
Why don't just lesser on the thing that rich of and,
exchange it to the things that I wanted the most now?
who can I talk to ask for a change?
anyone can tell me what is waiting for me in coming days?
Can it be worst than what I thinking?
Why should I take these?

Wish I can have magical power like Harry Potter.
Just shout few words, things come true...

Wish I can be the character in cartoon.
Anything you wish also possible to come true.

Grandma

2009-12-04T23:20:00.002+08:00

Today i went to hospital to visit my grandma..

before in, i already heard if about grandma' eye cnt saw much things except a little bit of light..
i was just fine before i saw my grandma..

when i met with my grandma, she nap on the bed of hospital, my aunts called me hold grandma' hand, tht time, i felt....i don noe... just someone who suddenly cnt saw anything, only can heard....touch....felt.. but cnt saw... for normal people, it is kind felt like only dark color in front but actually thr is someone who she noe is standing in front.. when i thinking of tht, my tears like wan to jump out from my eye dy..

just now, i saw grandpa use his hand slowly touch grandma' face.. when looks at his face n his action, u can felt tht grandpa felt very sad because he noe grandma is felt uncomfortable but he cnt do anything except just stand beside n talk to her, touch her n let her noe he always beside her..

i heard frm cousin, grandpa was keep worries and very unhappy when the moment grandma just donw the operation.. coz grandma cnt talk much due to her body hvn recovery from ubat' kesan..

do i should believe the exists of god?
if god really exists, can u makes my grandma recover? no nd too fast, at least become can walk like normal days, can smile like normal days, looks great like normal days, can do any exercise or homework like normal days.. thn jiu enough dy..
m i asking too much?

Unfortunate

2009-11-19T17:41:00.003+08:00

Dear blog,

been days din write anything to u..
not because i'm lazy.. is because these few days i don have anything caused me moody or felt down.. it is a good thing, doesn't it?

but today, i found out some truth tht makes me felt sad on him...
is this kind of things also need to be stole..
maybe he think that the money his family used only is only called as money, mine is called water but not money?
Or he think that me is so rich until can let him take benefit from me without asking?

before today, i was just felt sry about his personality, but start today it makes me angry with his personality.. how could i meet this kind of people?

but, when i was very angry when thinking wadever he did on me.. i suddenly not longer angry with him but felt very unfortunate to him..
do he kesian until need stole things from others?
does he noe this kind of action made himself...no! is his parent!
does he noe it will makes his parent shame?
or he just think this kind of action is he proud to do so...just because the action is done on me?

i dont noe him.. i'm not him.. i just noe wadever he did on me he will never have the chance to do so again..
because we are not gonna stay close soon.. thats wad i hoping right now..

for lastly, i hate him!
but i felt unfortunate on him more then i angry on him..

have a nice day.. My Blog.. ...

New Memory vs Old Memory

2009-11-14T00:53:00.006+08:00

Dear Blog,

Today count as my happy day coz i hang out with my lovely classmate today.. we watched a pretty cool movie named 2012.. and it makes me think of a question:

If Tomorrow will be the end of day, wad will u do?
My answer: i will climb to the nearest mountain then stand there and enjoy the last moment of my life..=)

night comes, frends come talk to me.. wad we chatting about makes me come out with two words word: THANK YOU.. everythings.. only two words i can said to them..

At the same times, i been think back of past.. a past which makes me grow mature and have a must reach target.. is that time i made my goal of my life which i most wanted to achieved..

It also makes me think back when i was small, how immature i m.. after tht happened only can said i'm grow up and start to not dreaming but to thinking more reality.. is tht count a good experience for me?

For me, yes! tht is the best ever bad sample made by him..
i will never forget about when i looks at her cry face, disappointed face, her tears.. only when she smile, only i will felt happy..
i dont want to see the crying face again..
she is always my most important and beautiful angel..

Have a nice day.. My Blog.. =(

Raining

2009-11-12T17:19:00.002+08:00

Its raining outside..
but not heavy...
it makes my feel good.. =)

i love raining days...
during rain, it will have some cold n small/big winds come to me..
it will makes me felt relaxing n comfortable..
when small winds passed through me, just like a smooth hand touch over my skin..
when big winds passed through me, just like a big fan from of me.. its nice~

i like the moment after rain, the fresh air and i got the motion want to have a long slow walk..
To refresh my mind..
To relax myself..
To breathe some fresh air..
My mood just like rain..
after rain, the dark cloud gone, the sky looks so clean..
My mind will just like that, anything unhappy will just gone away~~~

Just let me have some rest.. My mind will just left the space to store happy memory..

Have a nice day.. My blog.. =)

Unhappy

2009-11-12T16:54:00.002+08:00

dear blog,

today i was like normal day, play joke and have fun with friends..
but suddenly, she makes fool by slap my face bottom area.. ok.. tht is ok.. i think maybe is because she too 'high' until have that action.. now other one girl' turn.. she slap me when i lost my secure.. this slap been step on my red line.. but i still can smile and my respond is want to use hand cubit her hand.. but her boyfriend defend.. fine! i let it through coz i think it was just they playing some fool with me.. i'm ok..

ok, now! one more slap come.. i respond by pull down her hair tie.. it makes her become messy.. thn i think will stop.. now, one more slap come.. damn! his bf help her defend again.. it makes me angry now.. i avoid his defend n try to cubit her and this time i did it.. ..........

but at the same time, i thinking is that slaping is acceptable as a fool?
for me, is not.. they slap me, i din have much respond just because they are girls..
is tht means i allow both u to keeps slap me for few more times?
got bf defend, is tht means u r allow to slap more with no worries?

yea, i might push my hand to ur face.. but i dont think tht is slap.. i was just push ur face but not slap! i let u cubit, hand slap on my back side of body, i'm ok.. i'm accept thatg.. push my face, i ok!
but slap me... makes me felt......u making me like foolish..

m i looking ur face slap toy for u door?
m i din state clearly before wad is my limit?
or is my false tht i din get noe tht is one of ur way to joke people?
is that my false to be only give u some respond or not to calling u to stop?
i never mentioned is ur false because i was not angry but is just unhappy...

Have a nice day.. My blog.. =(

Things Happened

2009-11-11T20:51:00.001+08:00

I heard from friend, that is a boy die on accident..
today morning i was just received a text about he stay in ICU after the accident.
but around like 8something, i start heard of the sad news from my friends..

life is just like this..
sometimes just a little bit of time passed, things changed lots n might last forever...
like ytd, he might still eating with family, play fool with siblings, but today.. next day.. days come soon.. he never have the chance to talk and to see anymore.. his family will never can feel his hand touch, heard him talking anymore..
yesterday, he just haven make the history but today he became the history..

we need care peoples around us.. happy about wad u got..
coz there is somebody or just someone will cannot or even never can have wad u got anymore ....

We Just need to remember EVERYTHINGS GONNA BE GOOD TOMORROW .

Have a nice day.. My Blog =)

A normal day

2009-11-11T20:25:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog,

now is my free time again.. =)
today just like a normal day.. just gym makes me felt stamina gone into negative.. ><''
n i met someone today.. he smile to me.. i wonder if his smile is from true heart or just because he having good mood?!
wadever... my brain got no interest to think about it again..

Have a nice day.. My Blog.. =)

I hate this

2009-11-10T20:52:00.001+08:00

thr is someone i will meet everyday n i noe he got some hard feeling on me.. i get noe it from a frend.. wad i heard is worst thn wad i thinking.. god! i cnt make him change wad he feel on me but wad i noe is really makes me felt bad..

heard from frend, thinking backwards, rupanya he always potong wad i said is purposely!!! kao! last time, i was don noe anythings.. now i found out, i got the feeling wan to score him thn take water 'put' on his face.. but i cnt do tht, i will nvr wan to do those things which i dont wan others done on me..

Since i write blog, i wan shout out everythings now!! he is a very carringless people!! he less care....no! is nvr care about others.. he just do wad he think is right n benefit to himself!! he such a stpd idiot!! he also very kedekut!! wtf man!! coz of him.. i start score many many bad words in one day! how can got people like tht one..

I just less smile on him, thn he said me LCLY! i just be nice to him, thn he said me fake!! DNS! KNS! MCB! KNN! DKH a! wad else......oh! he also not good thn me only lo! just i nvr mentioned about his bad to anyone!!!! but he did mentioned his opinion about me to other people! FKH! lucky my lifestyle is very normal n less bad attitude when normal day.. if nt, all my things will spoil out n fly everywhere?!

After said all out, i now felt better dy..
Have a nice day.. My Blog =)

1st day

2009-11-10T20:29:00.000+08:00

Today is my 1st day of blogging.. i was very excited when i fill up the sign-up form.. but once all done, time to write the 1st post of my blog, i got nothing to said..

Have a nice day.. My blog.. =)